I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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