So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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