Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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