this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
