i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
