she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
