I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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