so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
