Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
