i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
