Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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