It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize