Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am one with the molecules
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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