Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
