I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
