We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I had to cum in my sink.
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