i was born a porn star she said
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
