My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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