My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
