yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
