quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
