I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize