i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
