I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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