I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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