I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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