I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
