Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize