your parents love me but you hate me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
