I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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