We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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