Im at strip club and am horny
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
