If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
