i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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