Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
