just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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