'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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