I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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