Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
