my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
