the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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