I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
