508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I did not marry a roomba.
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