Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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