so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
