Nicole vs. Life
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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