I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
