They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
