so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize