I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
