At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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