We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
