Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
