My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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