she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
