we have pet lesbian snakes
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize