You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
