I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize