I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
