WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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