Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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