Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
