god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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