I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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