the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
