My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
