I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So squirting runs in the family.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
