went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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