I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
