And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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