using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
