every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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