she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
