I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
